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Jigaboos vs. Wannabes: Re-Airing Our Dirty Laundry

In Editorial, Race on January 11, 2011 at 7:06 PM

by La Juana Whitmore

Recently, one of my favorite movies of all-time came on television. I made my daughter sit down and watch School Daze by Spike Lee (set at a fictional historically black college) and I observed her expressions throughout the movie, her face showing confusion, delight…anger.

This issue has once again reared its ugly head, in the form of a party in Columbus, OH called “Light Skin vs. Dark Skin” aka “The Most Anticipated Party of the Year”.

Sadly…if THAT’s the most anticipated party of the year, then they really need something else to do in Columbus (read a book, take a class, start a business, volunteer…ANYTHING).

But let’s not single out Columbus, further investigation of this problem reveals similar parities being thrown in Detroit, MI, Queens, NY, & Philadelphia, PA.

As some of you may remember Spike received a lot of opposition from the Black community for airing our dirty laundry. HA! Like it was a secret. These issues have existed for many years, and although we may like to think that we’ve kept them to ourselves, we have not been living in America alone, there have been many millions of witnesses, or perpetrators, depending on how you look at it.

There are three major conflicts presented in this film:

1. The Jigaboos vs. The Wannabes…or the dark-skinned blacks vs. the light-skinned blacks.

2. Bougie vs. Ghetto… or the financially up-and-coming, educated black folks vs. the standing-on-the-corner in front of the liquor store black folks

3. The feelings of African-Americans towards our relatives in Africa


–The Jigaboos vs. The Wannabes…or the dark-skinned blacks vs. the light-skinned blacks–

In School Daze, Spike interestingly brings this issue to a head in the musical number “Good and Bad Hair”, where two groups of college women go back and forth about the pros and cons of certain black hair textures.

The deeper conflict here begins with the separation of the field slaves and the house slaves, where the lighter-skinned blacks (most likely the offspring of “massa” and one of the field slaves) worked in the house, and the darker skinned blacks worked and lived outside in the fields. In 1712, West Indies slave owner William Lynch delivered his “master”ful divide-and-conquer plan to keep slaves under control to the troubled plantation masters in the U.S. Southern states. By exploiting our natural differences (skin color, age, etc.) he was able to create the tension, hatred and mistrust needed to keep our ancestors working and not organizing.

It continues at the turn of the century with some lighter-skinned blacks passing for white, and is even enabled by organizations like The Blue Vein Society, whose membership was believed to be extended only to those African-Americans whose veins were visible through the skin of the inner arm.

I was born in 1970, and existed young and blissfully ignorant for about 16 years, until it became evident to me that my complexion was not a favored one. Remember the 80’s and 90’s when bright brothers were all the rage? If your skin was like Michael Jordan’s and you DID NOT play basketball, you were getting NO love! Although America is beginning to recognize the beauty of our dark men…the women, well, we have never been en vogue.

So the contention exists, within our families our communities and organizations. How many of us have said or heard someone say “Girl, you know I got a little Indian in my family”. How many of us have a sibling, or cousin whose hair is more straight or less straight than ours? Being one of the darker-skinned women at my sorority’s Regional meeting, it was evident that not much had changed from the pictures I had seen of our light and bright founders.

Exploring this topic means talking about everything from the kinkiness and length of your hair to the width of your nose, the color of your eyes, and the fullness of your lips. Or better said…just how diluted are your African features due to race mixing?

–Bougie vs. Ghetto…or the “Financially Up-and-Coming, Educated” black folks vs. the “Standing-on-the-Corner in Front of the Liquor Store” black folks–

If skin color and hair texture weren’t enough, we now have a rapidly increasing socio-economic gap to deal with, Ghetto vs. Bougie, Uncle Tom vs. Sheniqua. Spike exposes this issue when a group of male students go into a part of town for a meal. They encounter some of the local men who accuse the boys of thinking they are better, because they are educated.

This is a struggle where using “proper” English is thought of as “acting white”, and being ghetto fabulous is an embarrassment. Many of us are probably not much more than one generation removed from the ghetto, and most of us have family who are still there. As the things that these two groups of African-Americans have in common becomes less, the tension increases. Accusations of “forgetting where you came from”, and statements like “Why didn’t she give her child a ‘normal’ name?” are happening right now, all over America.

– The Feelings of African-Americans Towards Our Relatives in Africa–

Finally, we now have to come to grips with our feelings about our African brothers and sisters, and thus ourselves. In School Daze, a group of politically active students protest the school’s lack of action to racial injustice in Africa. One of the “Wannabe” male students explains to the leader of the group that if he disagrees with what is going on, he should just “go back to Africa”.

Now, let’s be real, there aren’t many of us who would go live in Africa if given the opportunity. Outside of what is shown to us by the very biased American media, most of us don’t know enough about Africa to know what to truly expect. From what is PURPOSEFULLY shown to us, Africa is an AIDS and famine ridden continent, with sweltering heat, and half naked people…doesn’t sound like much fun, does it?

The shame and pain of slavery within our community is evident through the lack of oral history preserved within our families regarding that time. I can only assume that former slaves were more than ready to forget about ever having been a slave, and prepare for the opportunities that awaited them. Missing oral histories, changed names, separation of African families, and deficient public records, have all resulted in very few stories like Roots, where we know exactly from where we came. Have you ever talked to a white person who can tell you that they are Irish and Scottish, with a little bit of British mixed in? The stories they are able to tell of their family’s first generations to come to America, and of their first visit to the homeland of their ancestors are simply amazing. The pride that comes from knowing that information could be life changing for many of us, and would certainly cause us to view our distant relatives in a different light. I have been researching my family history for many years. When I started I knew of no one else who was doing the same. Although it is difficult to uncover information prior to the early 1800’s, I am proud to speak with more and more of us who are curious and experiencing the joy of discovering things about our ancestors that we never knew. Just think, being able to visit our blood relatives in Africa…what if we could do that?

Let’s talk about this…what are your thoughts and feelings on our dirty laundry, and if you’re not black, is this all news to you, have you always known, what do you think?

Talk Money Before the Wedding Bells Ring

In Finance, Marriage, Relationships on January 8, 2011 at 1:25 PM

by Nilvia Brinkley

Unless you and your spouse-to-be have spent a significant amount of time discussing how you plan to handle finances after the honeymoon, you may be setting yourselves up for a rough go — at least in the beginning and maybe for your entire time together. Studies have shown that money is a frequent topic of arguments in many marriages. One of the reasons may be that couples don’t spend enough time talking about money before the “big day.”

Marriage is a many-splendored thing, but when you begin to peel away the layers, one important thing you find is a business arrangement — that’s just one reason why it’s called a marriage “contract.” And as with any business arrangement, in a marriage you have money flowing in and money flowing out. As long as the inflow exceeds the outflow, the arrangement usually works. But a marriage isn’t a typical business — there’s an emotional aspect to everything, including the couple’s finances. To help get the discussion started, here are some issues you should address together before you tie the knot.

Budgeting. Some say that the key to financial success is to spend what you have after saving, rather than saving what’s left after spending.  Once you sit down and estimate your monthly income and expenses as a couple, it then becomes a matter of budgeting to control expenses and setting money aside to help achieve your goals.

Combining accounts. As engaged individuals, you probably already have your own savings, checking and brokerage accounts. But as a couple, do you want to combine everything into joint accounts or keep them separate? Having separate accounts lets each of you feel independent, knowing that you can tap your finances whenever the need arises. On the other hand, joining accounts can help unite your goals and create a more effective investment program.

Housing. If each of you already own real estate, you will need to face issues with housing, including: Will you live in one spouse’s home, or sell both homes and purchase a new one together? What will be the likely tax consequences of selling – especially if the sale will result in substantial capital gains or losses?

Financial goals. In today’s economy it’s important to set aside money for emergency expenses in case of sickness or job loss – experts recommend saving three to six months’ living expenses. That’s why it’s important to establish financial goals and determine your priorities as a couple. Do you want to dine out often, or eat in and save? How much do you want to spend on traveling and entertainment? How about for buying and decorating a home, leasing a car, etc.?

Debt. Some people are raised to never borrow money unless it’s absolutely necessary. Others are taught that it is acceptable to take out a loan – even for a luxury item. Differing attitudes toward debt accumulation is just one reason it’s important to know before the wedding what, if any, debts each of you is bringing to the marriage. If there is debt, decide whether to combine it or to keep separate credit histories and records. Many experts recommend that each individual retain his or her own credit cards and credit history. Doing so helps ensure financial independence and provides greater flexibility if either of you finds yourself alone at some point in the future. Also, if one of you has a poor credit history, it may be advisable not to commingle debt in order to retain the other’s better credit rating.

Estate planning. Addressing estate planning is vital, regardless of your age. When two people commit to legal responsibility for each other, it’s appropriate to talk about how they want to provide for an orderly transfer of assets. Included in the discussion should be considerations of the financial implications of life insurance and what would happen if a wage earner or work-at-home spouse were lost. Pay particular attention to beneficiary designations on life insurance policies, IRAs and 401(k) plans. These designations will supersede instructions for distributing assets included in a will or trust. Each provider – insurance company, financial institution or plan administrator – needs to be contacted to update the beneficiary designations on these valuable assets. (This step is particularly important in the case of a second marriage.)

When appropriate, include your Financial Advisor, tax advisor and attorney in financial discussions before you say, “I do.” Open and honest communication before your wedding day may help you avoid money arguments and financial problems in your marriage.

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This article was written by Wells Fargo Advisors and provided courtesy of Nilvia Brinkley in Minnetonka, MN at 952-404-7418

Wells Fargo Advisors does not render legal or tax advice. While this information is not intended to replace your discussions with your tax advisor, it may help you to comprehend the tax implications of your investments and plan tax-efficiently going forward.

Investments in securities and insurance products are: NOT FDIC-INSURED/NOT BANK-GUARANTEED/MAY LOSE VALUE

Wells Fargo Advisors, LLC, Member SIPC, is a registered broker-dealer and a separate non-bank affiliate of Wells Fargo & Company.

©2010 Wells Fargo Advisors, LLC.  All rights reserved.

Ask Yourself… Are SEX & EMOTION ever really SEPARATE?

In Relationships, Sex on December 30, 2010 at 6:46 PM

by La Juana Whitmore

I’ve often thought that sex and emotion do not have to co-exist.  They can be mutually exclusive.  We’ve all heard people say “having sex like a man”, meaning to be able to keep sex and emotion from colliding.

Let’s take the character Samantha in the show Sex and the City.  She prided herself on being able to have sex like a man, and didn’t understand why her friends were always falling in love.

Later in the series we find that Samantha did have feelings about her lifestyle.  In fact, she accused her friend Carrie of judging her when, in fact, she was judging herself.  Her emotions may not have been those of love, but emotions did exist, not towards the men she dated, but towards herself.

Hmmm….

True, you can have really good sex with someone you don’t love, or even like for that matter, but does that mean that there are no feelings OF ANY KIND there?

Recently, I asked myself, “Can sex and emotion be separated?”.  I started to go through some scenarios in my mind:

The player: Although he/she may not have feelings towards the person with whom they are having sex, there must be feelings there, right?  Feelings about themselves or someone in their past (perhaps an emotionally absent parent or former lover).  Maybe there are even feelings about the act afterwards.

The “down-low” man: If you ask him if he is gay, he would probably say, “hell no”.  Okay, I can accept that he doesn’t have the ability to love a man romantically or have an emotionally intimate relationship with a man, but to be void of any feelings either upon entering into the act or afterwards, I find that hard to believe.  In fact, he may even hate the GLBT community (and hate is an extremely strong emotion).

The person who just got out of a relationship and is looking to have some fun: The recipient of this person’s advances may not be getting any love, but the person on the rebound definitely has some feelings about the past relationship.  Which is why he/she is just looking for fun.

The prostitute: Perhaps it is just a job, but can we really believe that there is no emotion under the surface?  Maybe they hate the men/women they have to service.  Maybe they hate themselves.

The rapist: The act of rape is FILLED with emotion, either towards the person being raped, or what that person represents in the rapist’s mind.  Anger, powerlessness, helplessness…they all play a big role in rape.

The “drunk chick”: Ahh, we’ve all known one, that woman who has too much to drink and does whoever shows her some attention.  I would bet money that there are emotions within, emotions which cause her to drink so much to begin with, coupled with feelings about what she’s done afterwards.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you think that sex and emotion can be truly separate?
  • What role does love play in sex?  Is the sex better with someone you have deep feelings for? Why or Why not?
  • Why do we have sex?  To perpetuate the population, express emotion, or because it feels physically good? Are the reason different today than earlier in our evolution?

Originally published in the September/October 2010 Issue of Black Twin Cities Magazine.

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